is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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