even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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