Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
