I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
