Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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