Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
