He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
