I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
