After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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