o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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