she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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