I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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