Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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