am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
