Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
