so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
