Your tits are I can't wait for
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
