Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
