Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
