I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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