It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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