my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm passing your future prison.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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