so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize