Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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