I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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