the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
