Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
