Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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