a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
