I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
