Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
