how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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