I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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