Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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