Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
