singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
