my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
