So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
