why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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