They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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