im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
