You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
