HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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