Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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