she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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