i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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