Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
