i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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