I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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