the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
