so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
