so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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