and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
