Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
