Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....