I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads