Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.