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pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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