Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios