Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.