They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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